Lent, the color of purple and church prayers invite us to ponder
our sins in a way we normally avoid. At
least that is what happens for me. I try
to remember to repent. I really do; it’s
just so easy to overlook my own sins. I
have too many other things to think about.
Even in prayer, I forget my sins and get on with what is on my
heart,--what I want God to do for me.
During a Lenten silent retreat I forced myself to focus on
sins. It was a slow and surprising
effort. I always begin silent retreats
with a period of confession. It just
seems the place to start. But then I
move on. I want to have adventures with
God. During my silence, I want to be
loved, make a connection, and find out what God wants me to do with my life
during my silence. Rather than quickly
cover confession I fully surrendered and even challenged myself to name as many
sins as possible. I needed God’s help in
this process.
I began by painting in watercolors what my sins cost me. I drew the rocks as I remembered seeing them
through the glass at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Israel. The former rock quarry contained white rocks
uniquely divoted by erosion. As I drew these rocks, I considered Jesus’ comments
that the rocks would cry out if the people were silent (Luke 19:40). I considered if they had to hold the Creator
of the Universe as He was being crucified for sinful men by sinful men, they
would cry in a different way. In fact
the Bible does tell of their revolt--And
behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the
earth shook, and the rocks
were split (Matthew 27:51). My
heart was split as I stood inside that church waiting my turn to reach down and
touch the rock under the altar. That
memory penetrating the reality of my sin opened my heart to take seriously my
efforts to repent.
I determined to repent as best I was able. I was sincere and God knew I honestly wanted
to repent so He helped me. I sensed He
was pleased with my efforts. He gave me
a break when the time was up, and I had a chance to offer my act of confession
by throwing the paper in the fire and watch them burn away. I felt clean even as I was writing them down,
but especially as I watched the paper quickly burn up and become
nonexistent. It was as if I went to a
spiritual spa for my soul.
I put forth an effort to repent until God asked me to stop. He wanted me to rest. God’s answer to my sin is to take them away
and give me rest and salvation. Isaiah
30:15 says: This is what
the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: In repentance and rest is
your salvation, in
quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. I
fully took this verse to heart. I
learned the joy of rest. I wanted all of
it. I didn’t want to be like the
Israelites to whom Isaiah was speaking.
I finished my list and sincerely prayed that God would help me not
repeat those offences. I meant it with
all my heart. I still do. The only way that I can possibly do it is to
rest.
I hope you are finding the joy of rest when it comes to
repentance. Salvation comes through
repentance and rest. I can add that I
feel stronger ,too. If the Lenten focus
has not given you rest in your salvation, I encourage you to connect deeply
with God during your efforts to repent.
If God is the center of your repentance, you will find the joy, strength
and quietness of rest. I hope you will
have all of it!
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