Have you
ever experienced holy jealousy? I know
you know what unholy jealousy feels like.
We have all had that tinge of jealousy, especially towards someone close
to us who seems to always get what we want.
But there is a holy jealousy.
I guess the
closest I have come to knowing what holy jealousy feels like was the day my son
turned 18, and we were releasing him from the requirement of attending church
on Sundays in order to live in our home.
He and I sat together in our regular pew and followed the motions of a
typical Sunday service. He was as
present as he had been in years past.
There were no outward signs that my heart was breaking.
As the
service progressed I could not help myself.
I experienced a deep sorrow that only now I can identify as holy
jealousy. My sorrow was not for myself.
My spiritual well-being had no bearing on whether my son sat beside me in
church each Sunday. In fact, I was freer
to worship without his occasional interruptions that were the natural ebb and
flow of sitting through a service with another person by your side. What I felt was much deeper than this.
Through
each song we sang and every prayer we prayed, I connected more deeply with the
heart of God and felt how sad He was that my son planned to walk out of this
church and never return. I didn’t call
it jealousy at the time, but my heart’s pain soon poured out to tears that
escaped from the corner of my eyes. I
didn’t mean to disturb my son, but he couldn’t help himself; he couldn’t stand
to see his mom cry. I explained that I
was not crying for me but for God because He was hurting so deeply from the
decision he was making on that day.
The tears
were dried, the decisions were made and we went on from that time to where we
are today. God continues to reach out to
my son and me and teach us new meaning to unconditional love.
That day I
remember my sorrow and my tears were not for me at all. I thought I was feeling what God felt for my
son. I cried from a different place in
my soul. I sensed that this was wrong
and sad and not at all how the world should be.
(I say this because I have cried over my son many times, and I am quite
familiar with the distinction.) This
memory came back to me as I was reading what James tells us about our God in
James 4:5: Or do you
think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he
has caused to dwell in us?
There is a reason I felt like I
did that day. The reason is that God
designed the spirit I have in me to link with His. I could feel the jealousy and sadness of
another’s rejection of the goodness of God.
It is a very holy feeling. His
jealousy did bring my son back to the church and continues to keep me grounded
by the church myself. I’m so grateful
for God’s jealousy. I’m blessed because
He is jealous of my soul. Something
about my loving the world stirs up in Him intense emotions that protect me from
my own foolishness. James 4:6 says: But
he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: God opposes the
proud but shows favor to the humble.
Copyright © 2015. Deborah R Newman teatimeforyoursoul.com All Rights Reserved.
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