Skip to main content

Opposing God




            Of the over 1,000,000 prayers that were prayed on behalf of my husband, I don’t know of one prayer that asked God to take him home to heaven.  Selfishly, none of us wanted to let go.  I felt these prayers as they bombarded heaven along with mine.  I asked God to miraculously heal my husband right up until the very end.  I know that God could have done that for me.  I believe that He has the power.  I know He has done that for others (albeit rarely).  Brian was always one to get the remarkable blessing.

            As Peter is quoted in Acts 11:17, Who was I to think that I could stand in God’s way?  Peter was dealing with a spiritual reformation that included bringing the Gentiles into God’s love and plan of salvation for the world, long promised in the Abrahamic Covenant.  Yet the same principle applies to me.  It applies to Brian too.  I don’t think he could have wanted to leave me, our children, and all the people he loved and served.  So it wasn’t left up to Brian either. 

            There are some who feel very angry at God for taking Brian so young.  It is okay to feel that way.  God is big enough to handle our anger.  I have been angry at God for more trifling reasons; and when I have focused my anger towards God and then been willing to hear His answer, I have always come to peace.  I have often quoted Martin Luther as saying: You ask me if I love God, sometimes I hate Him.   Obviously Luther’s hatred of God was not what it sounds like.  His anger at God, like mine, was the consequence of his misunderstanding of God’s holiness and perfect ways.  Every time I have been angry at God, eventually I see that I am wrong. Currently I am not feeling anger at God or anger at Brian.  When I think of God and Brian, I feel a sweet sense of knowing that this was really God’s best for Brian.  It’s harder to see how it is God’s best for me, Rachel and Ben; yet I know someday—maybe not until heaven—I will see that too.  Who am I to oppose God?  After all, this enormous pain that pulses through my body is why God sent Jesus to this earth to live, die and rise again.  God did it—purposely exposed His Father’s heart to a pain I could never understand-- because without Jesus I had no hope of escape of the agony that sin brought to my world. 

            When I think of all the prayers, the humble pleas that flooded heaven from July 21-23, 2012, I know that God had a reason for the response He gave.  A sweet 11-year-old girl wanted to go back and pray for Brian and was not permitted because of her age, but her desire was so intense that I was able to hold the phone up to his ear as she poured out her plea to God.  You can’t imagine how many pastors prayed at Brian’s bedside—I wish I had counted the number of ordained clergy and Christian traditions they represented.  We anointed him with oil and holy water.  We did everything God asked of us.  God made it clear that His plan was not our plan.  Who am I to think that I can stand in God’s way? 

            The early Christians teach us a lot about accepting harsh reality.  I was given a prayer from a Jewish prayer book that soothes my heart even as I weep.  Its truths bring me closer to the love that can never be taken away from me that I received from my husband and from my Savior who weeps with me and our children and all who love and miss Brian.

When I die,

Give what’s left of me away

To children

And old men that wait to die.

And if you need to cry,

Cry for your brother

Walking the street beside you.

And when you need me,

Put your arms

Around anyone

and give them

What you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something,

Something better…Than words

Or sounds.

Look for me

In the people I’ve known

Or loved,

And if you cannot give me away,

At least let me live on your eyes

And not on your mind.

You can love me most

By letting Hands touch hands,

By letting Bodies touch bodies,

And by letting go

Of children

That need to be free.

Love doesn’t die; People do.

So, when all that’s left of me

Is love,

Give me away[i]

            I find it interesting that Jewish people can pray this prayer for their losses even though they don’t believe in Jesus Christ, who came to set us free from all our tears.  As Paul explained in 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18:

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.  After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.  Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Copyright©2012.  Deborah R. Newman.  www.teatimeforyoursoul.com  All Rights Reserved.



[i] Mishkan T’filah (Gates of Prayer) Journal Edition. Central Conference of American Rabbis.  www.ccarpress.org, p. 592. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Fifth Monday in Lent through Palm Sunday

Fifth Monday in Lent: Righteousness Needed Jesus is all about bringing us righteousness yet we are too worldly focused to think we have much of a need for righteousness. Most of us think we need healing or exciting miracles. We might try to get a little righteousness by going to church on Sunday and giving some spare change to a beggar. God sees the bigger picture and knows that there is nothing which we are more bankrupt than righteousness. He sees that we are totally incapable of getting the righteousness we need through our own actions, so He sent Jesus to give us His righteousness through His sacrificial work on the cross. Lent is a season of repentance and preparation for the Easter celebration. No matter how sacrificial your Lenten fast, it could never be enough to earn your righteousness. I have been practicing Lent for   years, and every year at the end of my fast I come face to face with how far I am from righteousness. Some of the first recorded words of Jesus in th

Lenten Devotions

First Monday in Lent: Lent—Winter/Spring I took a weekend Silent Lenten Retreat and learned how special the season of Lent (which means Spring) really is. Being in the lovely setting where winter-spring becomes its own season; I discovered that the transformation from winter to spring reveals the transformation of our souls in Lent. We had an absolutely gorgeous weekend to enjoy solitude with God. Lent is a perfect season to see in nature what God is drawing out of us through the spiritual disciplines we focus on through penitence and preparation for Easter. It is the in-between season that shows us a lot about what we are doing spiritually through our focus on confession. From a distance winter can seem stark and ugly. I feel the same way about confession. But if you take the time to see the winter you can see that the winter season reveals realities that get masked over by the growth of summer. In winter you become aware of what needs to be cleared away. In the same way the con

The Troubled Christian Life

              When I surrendered my vocation to God back when I was seventeen-years-old, He called me to a life of walking through the most broken realities that people face in a first-world country.  The verse that led me to this life was 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,   who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God .  I began counseling others at the ripe age of 23.  I looked like I could have still been in high school, and the patients given to me rightly had their doubts.  I had my doubts too.  I knew that I didn’t have the wisdom to counseling people double my age.  I didn’t have a lot of experience of deep wounds either so I couldn’t talk to them from my own experiences of deep brokenness.  I was only helpful to them because I relied totally on the word of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit